Anyone heard the two-whole-beef-patties-special-sauce-lettuce-cheese-pickles-onions-on-a-sesame-seed-bun jingle that McDonalds Arabia has been obnoxiously chanting over the radio for the past month? I’ve heard it every work day of February, maybe even January, to the point where it makes me want to wave a wrench violently in the air and yank out the dials of my car radio with raging burger hatred as I drive to work each morning.
Two-whole-beef-patties-special-sauce-lettuce-cheese-pickles-onions-on-a-sesame-seed-bun sounds really uninspiring anyway. Except the ‘special sauce’ – that’s the only bit that I may have seriously contemplated for lack of more stimulating mental activity at the traffic lights. Why is it special? Is it a BBQ sauce? Is it a secret blend? Is it sweet? Is it spicy? Does it ooze out all over the burger and mix up with beefy juices and make you want to lick it off the burger wrapper?
I imagine not.
BUT, I have an idea that can save McDonalds Arabia from the monotony of the patties-and-blah-ingredients-in-a-sesame-seed-bun jingle. Would you believe that the idea is right here in their backyard? And that the production manager of a local baklava factory came up with the idea? Read closely Mickey D execs, this could open up new doors for McDonalds Arabia. Actually, for McDonalds all over the world.
It is [dramatic ascending music]…friends, get ready for the idea to be reengineered, shoved on a mass-scale production line and frozen to death so that it can be hauled half-way across the world to the Mickey D’s in Tokyo…THE KUNAFAH BURGER.
…you gasp in awe and wonder right about now…t’was a very silent gasp…oh t’was not a gasp at all? more like a wtf?…’wtf a Kunafeh Burger?!’
Fine. The name isn’t all that inspiring. I’ll just have to leave it to Mickey D’s to chant it over and over again on the radio until it becomes a nob of overchewed and spat out gum dribbling down one wretched corner of your brain. That one corner that’s in charge of your sanity during that commute to work each morning.
Name aside, let me explain what The Kunafeh Burger is, and why it could revolutionize McDonald’s menu. All credit for this idea goes solely to the production manager of the local Al Samadi baklava factory. [FYI – I don’t hang around baklava factories on most days, this was a one-time visit that I managed to wrangle out of our family’s go-to baklava man, Ahmed, at our favorite Al Samadi bakery in Deira.]
Kunafah is an Arabic dessert that’s the brainchild of some food-Einstein’s ingenious idea to throw together thick white cheese, crispy semolina threads or ground semolina, and ghee (clarified butter) into one gigantic butter and cheese-exuding pie. Al Samadi makes one version of kunafah with akkawai cheese from Czech Republic, layering it with semolina and letting the two melt and fuse together on a gigantic revolving burner, before sliding the kunafah into the oven for the final finishing touch. I’ve also seen versions where the cheese is replaced with fresh cream, but nothing beats the sensation of crackling through a crispy semolina layer and hitting a sweet, slightly salty bed of gooey melted cheese. Especially when it’s fresh out of the factory ovens.
So as I’m starting to greedily crack through the semolina layer and scoop out a creamy bite of warm akkawai cheese, the production manager starts distributing these sesame seed buns shaped like little handbags…right down to the shoulder strap. With my face stuffed with sweet cheese and crunchy semolina bits, I watch him cut open the bag, slide in a thick block of kunafeh, and then shove the final creation back out in front of our faces – ‘look, cheeseburger!’
Hell yeah. THAT’S what I call a real Arabian cheese burger. I’m surprised that McDonald’s hasn’t caught on this yet. It’s not even a revolutionary idea, in fact kunafeh in sesame seed buns is common street food in Lebanon.
With the rest of my kunafeh now nestled between two sesame seeded bun layers, I was so thrilled that I went all the way with this idea and come up with a range of potential propositions for Kunafehsizing Mickey D’s menu. I present to you:
…the Kunafeh McMuffin. A freshly toasted English muffin, a thick slab of akkawi cheese, crispy semolina sprinkles, and a side of sugar syrup. The perfect way to start your day.
…a McFlurry with Kunafeh balls, pistachio powder, and a honey drizzle*
…Premium green salad with crispy Kunafeh strips, orange wedges, toasted sesame seeds, and a honey citrus dressing. Go ahead, indulge, no one’s looking…and even if they are, heck, it’s a salad anyway.
…a Kunafeh McCookie. Molten akkawi cheese sandwiched between two deep-fried semolina cookies slathered with honey-caramel sauce.
…and last but not least, the Filet-O-Kunafeh. Oh-so-satisfying.